Technical difficulties.

Due to technical difficulties involving being terminally weak above the shoulders, this blog will be on a temporary hiatus.

Please have comfort in this silence of the word on the screen of big that the chinese government is in no way responsibility for this issue.
buy china
http://www.aliexpress.com/

Work is a bitch, but with it's own special little rewards..

Watch annoying brat.
Watch annoying brat fuck with the display you've been working 2 hours with.
Watch yourself telling his mom to keep him under control.
See bitch throwing a tantrum about her kid getting the right to fuck with the display and that you're a lowly intern at a grocery store and that she's superior to you in every way.
See stand containing potted cacti.
Watch annoying brat.
Watch annoying brat fuck with the display again.
Watch annoying brat 'accidentally' 'trip' into cacti stand.
Watch annoying brat go to hospital.
No witnesses, no consequences.

Atkins/low carb friendly snacks/desserts

Apparently sweden is getting a big meaty hardon for the ol' low carb dieting... So here's a bunch of low carb tips for desserts and snacks!
More information on sweden and low carb at:
http://livinlavidalowcarb.com/blog/english-translation-of-the-swedish-tv-report-on-the-lchf-movement/10434

Desserts and snacks.

Here's a low carb cheesecake, you may mix in some cottage cheese into it as well to give it some more texture, recipe courtesy of the interwebs.
Mix a package of cream cheese, an egg, a half-cup of Splenda (or other sweetener), a pinch of salt and a dollop of heavy cream. Put in a pie dish and bake at 350 degrees until the top browns (about a half-hour).

Sugarfree jello!
This is the primary cause for mouthgasms amongst low-carbers, as it surprisingly still manages to have some flavor to it.

Sugarfree popsicles!

peanuts with shells (meh, i don't like peanuts personally, but whatever.)

Peanut butter (make sure it's the natural kind without a bunch of transfatty shit added to it)

Cheddar cheese! (Note: not all cheeses are low carb)

Eggs: See my recipe for a delicious scrambled omelette

Almonds: woo!

Recipe - Strawberry soup

You'll need:
Strawberries
Coconut fat
Sweetener or sugar
Pot
Spoon to stir with
A pot to keep the ingredients in.
A stove.
A basic understanding of the concept of cooking.

How it's done:
Put your strawberries and about 50grammes of coconut fat into a pot and boil it slowly at a medium setting while stirring. Boil it for around 2 minutes, then add a little water and your preferred sweetener, wheter this be sugar, stevia, aspartame, monkey splooge, or that weird white powder you snort on occasion.

Boil it for another 15 minutes at low heat while stirring it every few minutes, if you want to you can break the strawberries up with a fork by stabbing them repeatedly.

Serve while hot on some ice cream or just eat it like it is.

DONT LET IT BURN! IF IT BURNS I WILL FIND YOU AND DO UNSPEAKABLE THINGS TO YOUR KITCHEN TABLE.

Addiction

I now remember the top 3 reasons why i love Stronghold Crusader.
 1: The rat.

Rattus Patheticus

 Ah, Duc de puce. A cowardly, sniveling little bastard who runs an impoverished kingdom. (quite literally, since he's the illegitimate son of the former Duc de puce) His tactics suck, his micromanagement is even worse, and in combat you can beat him with less than 20 archers.
I do love hearing him beg for his life each time you successfully kill even one of his pathetic little peasants.

2: Setting fire to enemy castles.

Now that's a bloody army.

Charging at an enemy castle using 500 slaves equipped with torches after using a few catapults to demolish their walls never gets old. A few of them set fire to one of the crowded houses and everything goes up in flames, including all their military units that they spent so much time and money on completing. MAGNIFICENT FIRE FOR ALL!

3: The online multiplayer

It never gets old to go online, find a game where the gold is set to 10.000 or above, build a market, buy lots of wood, then make 20 catapults and rape the enemy castles. Of course, after this you have to build a few hundreds of slaves and SET GLORIOUS FIRE TO THE ENEMY! LET IT FUCKING BURN!

The only downside to all of this of course is that you tend to get quite addicted to the game.

Recipe - Manly Scrambled Omelette

This is a very nice way to start your morning in a manly, but low carb way.

What you'll need for one (1) Man or twelve (12) pussies:
4 eggs.
~15 slices of bacon.
2 red onions.
Milk/fullfat cream
some water
Small piece of butter
optional: mushrooms.

How to do it:
Crack your eggs into a container and add 3 tablespoons of milk or cream as well as 2 tablespoons of water.
Whip it like you mean it.
Chop the bacon roughly.
Chop the onions (and mushrooms if you're using them) and pour them into a pan with some butter.
Fry the onions, and when they've reached the right amount of butterfryingfication, add the bacon and let fry on maximum heat for 3 minutes or until it's carbonized properly. Add your egg mix and keep stirring until it's cooked.
Pepper n Salt.
If you're a pussy: add whatever vegan bullshit vegetables you seem fit, then go die in a fire.
If you're a Man: Slice a tomato in half and use for garnish, eat the fuck out of that scrambled omelette, and throw the tomato slices at a nearby mime, if no mime can be found, eat the tomatoes when no one's watching you sick fuck.
Enjoy.

Minecraft Online

If you want to play minecraft on cracked servers, you'll need to go to http://mineshafter.appspot.com/

(Please observe that you'll need to delete any existing minecraft installation before following these steps)

Follow these steps to get up and running with Mineshafter:

1. Make sure that you have a Minecraft.net account (paid or not, doesn't matter).
2. Login to minecraft.net AND mineshafter (click the login button in top right of page)
3. Link your Minecraft.net account to mineshafter.
4. Upload a custom skin if you want one.
5. Upload a custom cloak if you want one.
6. Download the client proxy.
7. Start the proxy program, it will use the Minecraft launcher in the current directory or use the latest one from Minecraft.net if you don't have one. (for the best performance with this method, make sure to delete all traces of your former minecraft installation)
8. Login with your Minecraft.net credentials.
9. You're client will update if not already at the latest version.
10. Search around for a cracked server to play on, there's several lists (try searching youtube.com for "minecraft cracked server")

Daily fish - Pure evil

Welcome to yet another fish related post. Today we will discuss the most evil creature on this earth, a creature known to terrorise the stomachs of anyone who, in a moment of weakness, makes the mistake of ingesting it.

Ohai, we're gonna rape your digestive system.

I am of course talking about the foul, smelly thing known as..TUNA!

Even the Hagfish fears the tuna, and is often seen hiding from even mentioning the name of this foul hellfish that is the tuna.

There are over 48 species of tuna that we can skin alive and wear as funny little hats before we burn them, so we have our work cut out for us.

Unlike this particular Tuna, which we have already cut.

 The next time you eat a can of tuna, remember that 2 out of 5 tuna's will have ingested large amounts of mercury just to fuck with you. Meanwhile the rest are actually already dead and rotting, and only keep moving out of spite and in the hopes of getting caught in some poor fishermans web so they'll be sold on to a fish market so they can rape your stomach.

These hellspawn "fish" are currently waiting for the sweet day when they will be consumed by someone stupid enough to eat them without proper safety gear at a certain fish market. However, they didn't count on my newfound fire skills...

And so it was that the fish market was no more.

Now lets take up arms and eradicate this plague once and for all, it's what humans are best at after all... MAKING SHIT DEAD!

(ps: sorry that i havent been posting lately, i have been busy researching the effects of napalm on certain water dwelling creatures)

Food poisoning sucks

Eat can of tuna.
Feel queasy 10 minutes after.
Pray to the god of the white bowl several times after spending 4 hours laying awake in bed.
Drink water.
Pray to the god of the white bowl again.
Feel slightly better.
???
Ruin underwear.
Post on blog.

Daily fish - Red lipped batfish

This is a fish that had daddy issues growing up, and spends most of it's time WALKING on it's pectoral fins, since they never really learned to swim properly.

Do you love me now daddy?

You'd think this would be a huge disadvantage because, you know.. It's a fish, but thanks to it's daily 500$ spenditure on lipstick and on maintaining it's 'beard', the Batfish keeps most predators away.
This is thought to be because most predators are bigots, and will stay far away from any fish they assume to be transsexual.

Daily fish - Hagfish

Todays fish is a weird one. The Hagfish, an ugly, slimey little eel lookalike that wants to be loved, but can never find happyness since it's far too greasy for it, like a 14 year old with acne.

This Hagfish is failing an attempt to hide under a rock so you wont judge it. But the Hagfish is used to failure, and it will only get worse when it enters its college years. Poor Hagfish.

This particular Hagfish you may remember from the tv series "I'm a Hagfish, please kill me."

Despite it's disgusting slimyness and regular penis like texture, or maybe because of those factors, Koreans think of the hagfish as a delicacy, because Koreans will eat anything and consider it a delicacy.

An adult hagfish can secrete enough slime to turn a 20 litre (5 gallon) bucket of water into slime in a matter of minutes. Lets face it, the Hagfish is like an ugly 2 year old with a cold, and if there was a god in this world, he's certainly not loving.

Recipe - Swedish Shortcake

Ingredients:

150g of butter.
2dl of milk.
2dl sugar.*
2 large eggs.
3dl wheat flour.
1.5tsp baking soda.
2tsp vanilla sugar.
Optional flavorings:
3 table spoons of orange peels (roughly 2 large oranges worth of peel) and 2tsp of lemon juice.
Or:
5 table spoons of cocoa.
*or 1.5dl sugar substitute, 0.5dl sugar for a more 'diabetic friendly' cake. Note that this cake will be denser and less fluffy than a regular shortcake.

What to do:
1: Set your oven to 175 degrees Celcius
2: Melt the butter in a pan and pour in the milk, let the milk get lukewarm.
3: Use a bbq brush, cooking spray or similar to oil the mould that you'll be using with cooking oil or melted butter, and bread the mould.
4: Mix the eggs and sugar (or sugar substitute) in a bowl and whisk it until it's fluffed up (around 3-7 minutes).
5: Pour in the butter/milk mix, and mix it in.
6: Add the rest of the dry ingredients and whisk it for another 2 minutes.
7: Add optional flavorings. Stir/whisk them in.
8: Pour the mixture into your mould and put into the preheated oven for about 40 minutes.
9: Let it cool of slightly, and enjoy a tasty slice of Shortcake.

Ohai world.

So i'm finally doing this crap and joining the blogger bandwagon huh? .....Well, atleast I might be able to actually finish a project for once.

Hmm.. Now what should this post be about...



Fish?
Fish.

This is the sultan fish. I want to be sultan instead of the sultan fish.